An Open Letter to the Ladies of “Exposing Heightism”

(This goes out to the women whose hateful tweets regarding short men have been shared by the Twitter account called “Exposing Heightism.” []  The goal of the creator of this account is to show how ugly discrimination against short men can be in this day and age.)

Dear Ladies,

We’re sorry.  We’re so, so sorry.  We’re monsters.  We’re hideous, deformed creatures, and we had the gall to do something horribly offensive to you.  We murdered your parents.  

Wait, no, we didn’t.  We killed your cats, right?  Nope?  

We held you up in the street, didn’t we?  We threatened your safety?  No?  Are you sure?

Did we run you off the road somewhere?  Did we drop a safe on head from three stories up?  Did we dig a pothole in the middle of your block that gave you a flat tire?  No?  Are you positive?  

OK, so what did we do then that was so horrible that you now wish to deny us existence?  Why then are you going all genocidal on us?  

Wait, someone is speaking up.  Now I’ll finally get the answer I’ve been waiting for.  Now I’ll be able to understand why you feel the need to wipe us off the face of the earth.  I’ll be so happy to understand why I should just disappear.  Here it is…

…we had the nerve to ask you out, or  (My word, no!)  Hit on you like any other red blooded heterosexual male would!  Mercy me, I’ve got the vapors!  How dare we?  It’s a crime against humanity!   It’s simply unconscionable that we have feelings enough to approach a woman and do what any other man who likes a girl would do in the same situation.  

I totally get why you would feel like that, seeing as you’ve met every single one of us, and you know for a fact that we’re all the same.  We’re the only people on earth that don’t know how to treat a woman with respect.  Every single one of us is a lecherous swine who would cheat on you at the drop of a hat.  Down to the last man, we’re all obnoxious jerks who will pump you and dump you.  We’re all lousy fighters, poor providers, heartless husks of flesh that exist for the sole purpose of making you uncomfortable with the idea that we could actually be…decent people.  And especially considering that no man over the height of 5’ 8” has committed a single crime, cheated on someone, or made a woman uncomfortable in the entire history of mankind, right?

Oh, wait…you haven’t met us all?   I’m confused, then.  You had (I’m guessing) a few short men ask you out, and you didn’t have a good time, right?  Or even better, you didn’t even go out with him because you thought he was overcompensating, right?  Overcompensating for what?  

What you don’t understand is that most decent short men have to walk a fine line.  We have to be comfortable enough in our own skin that we have to be confident enough to live our lives just like a taller person, denying no aspect of the people that we are, or else we’re not living true to ourselves, yet at the same time, we can’t act too boldly, or else we get accused of being “Napoleons” (which, for short men, is wholly deserving, seeing as no ambitious ruler of people has ever been over 5’8”, right?), trying to be bigger than we are.  

You know, if you have a preference for dating taller men, go right ahead.  But don’t lie and broadcast to the world about how shorter men are lower quality people than our taller brethren, or that we’re of lesser character, or that we’re trying to prove something, because most of us are simply trying to live our lives with the same dignity and for the same search for happiness that everyone else does.  You’re only going to show to the world how closed-minded, how ignorant, and how classless and infantile you sound.  Yeah, you all sound like real catches for us. And you call us the inferior ones.

One last note: I’d love to see how you’d feel if we replaced “short men” with “black women” or “Latinas” in your tweets.  You’d probably scream bloody murder at the idea of being discriminated against, and then wage some sort of campaign against the original tweeter. Hmm… a campaign…I wonder…


One of the many decent ones.